Tag Archives: clear your mind

Handling Your Wedding Stress

Handling Your Wedding Stress

It’s National Weddings Month, and many soon-to-be spouses are planning their spring and summer weddings, so this week, we’re helping you with tips for handling your wedding stress. 40% of couples in one study found wedding planning extremely stressful, with 71% finding it more stressful than other major life events like finding a new job. The Stress of Getting Married   Why are weddings so stressful? They’re a big, expensive commitment, emotions are running high, and your relationship can be affected. It’s normal to be stressed. If you start using all your spare time on wedding planning, it’s straining your relationship, you’re questioning your decisions, or you’re procrastinating, you’re probably suffering from wedding stress. Signs You're Suffering from Wedding Stress   Prioritize your wedding planning. Decide what’s most important to you about the wedding upfront, and focus on it. Don’t let the details overwhelm you. Planning Your Wedding with Priorities   Be prepared for things you can’t control on the big day and plan accordingly. If it rains, what’s your back-up plan? Know ahead of time so you won’t feel like everything’s ruined if it changes. Prepare for Plan B   Find ways to unplug and clear your mind. Meditate and try yoga or tai chi. Find a way to put down your phone, step away, and lower your blood pressure when things get too crazy. Time to Unplug While Wedding Planning   Practice self-care. Do something restorative, like a massage, Netflix binge, or a jog. And make time to still do fun things together as a couple, like a regular date night. Self-Care During Wedding Planning
Down the Rabbit Hole to Play

Long View: Disappearing Down Rabbit Holes

A few years back, some friends and I were camping just after Halloween at Indian Cave State Park in Nebraska.

The prior weekend, the park had hosted a “haunted” park drive-through where ghouls and ghosts good-naturedly jumped out to scare you in good, old-fashioned Halloween fun. While hiking on some trails high up above one of the park roads, we came across a straw-stuffed witch on a broom tied up by a rope to a tree. Untying the rope let this funny-looking witch fly out over the road and spook any car driving by. You can guess what happened next.

Brenda and Cathy (both grandmothers, by the way) agreed to be lookouts for approaching cars from around the bend. Vicki and Jackie lay down on their stomachs in the weeds to hide and relay the “get ready” sign. My buddy Fara and I held tight to the rope waiting for the “go” sign. When a car came up the road, we let our witch fly, shrieking with glee like 8-year-old naughty little boys and waving furiously at the cars we’d managed to scare below. Later, Fara marveled that she had not “played” like that in years. That statement has stuck with me all these years.

Why don’t adults play anymore? We pay money to take yoga and tai chi classes to try and clear our minds of the clutter of life. Self-help gurus tout their books about “living in the moment” or striving to “be present.” Really, isn’t that just playing? To me, playing is a special state of being where one loses all track of time and disappears down a rabbit hole that has nothing to do with lists, responsibilities, or errands. Playing definitely has nothing to do with CNN, the newspaper, or our Facebook page. Playing is the single-minded pursuit of something that does nothing but make us happy or relaxed or at peace.

I recently traveled down a rabbit hole on a Sunday afternoon and found myself wandering through a small-town cemetery looking for the graves of my great-grandparents Benjamin Hugo and Millie. I didn’t wake up with that idea on my agenda. I actually woke up that Sunday with no agenda at all. My yellow lab, Harvey Benjamin (named after my grandfather), and I had a lovely afternoon just wandering up and down the rows looking at names and noting dates and family connections. Happily, I not only found Benjamin Hugo and Millie’s graves but also the grave of my great-great-great-grandfather Hans Detlef, who was born in Germany in 1800 and died in Iowa in 1887.

No timelines, no reasons, just hanging out in a cemetery, which is probably weird to some, I agree, but it was a special day spent thinking about nothing much for me. It felt wonderful. It was like those worn-out areas of my brain that have to plan and decide and be a grown-up got a chance to power down for a while, to rest and recharge while running on power save mode in the background.

The amazing thing about it was I was deep into writer’s block at that point. I had no idea what I was going to write about for this monthly column. While that part of my brain was running on power save mode, the topic presented itself. Isn’t that cool? I also think my next dog might be named Hugo, although I recently found some ancestors in my tree named Ichabod and Wubba, so I might need a lot more dogs.

There is actual science behind the value of adults taking the time to play every now and then to reduce stress and improve their overall well-being, so let’s start playing.

Lora Felger is a community and broker liaison at Health Alliance. She is the mother of 2 terrific boys, a world traveler, and a major Iowa State Cyclones fan.